Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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