I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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