She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
