Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
