My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
