remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
