1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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