it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
