I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
