textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
