I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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