If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
