He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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