im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
