apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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