help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
