We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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