I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
