Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
