I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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