Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
