Apparently you make a good broom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
