I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
