I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize