I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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