He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
