his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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