we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
