you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
