the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
