Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
