you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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