Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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