I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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