We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
