so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
