nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
