At least make sure they are 18
Why
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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