evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
