eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
