its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
