I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
