I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
