So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
