CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize