lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
