Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
