So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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