I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
