I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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