I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
