Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
