My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
