she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
