is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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