It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize