Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
