he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize