You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
