went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
