:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize