i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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