You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
