Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
