I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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