I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize