I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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