So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
