I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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