Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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