Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize