READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Barsexuality is the new black.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
