"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
