He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
