i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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