just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
