it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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