God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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