i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it glows. i had to have it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
