Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
