Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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