We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize