Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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