if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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