So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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