were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
