Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
