Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
