I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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