So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
