is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
