dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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