Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
