You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
