remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
