somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
