this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
