It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
