opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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