I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
