I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
