My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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