I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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