I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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