i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
there is glitter all over my balls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
