Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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