My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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