Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize