he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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