I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
