I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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