All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize