Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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