nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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